NECTA CSEE 2011 RESULTS. Matokeo ya Mtihani Wa Kidato Cha Nne 2011 yakaribia.

Baraza la mitihani Tanzania ( NECTA) linatarajia kutangaza matokeo ya mtihani wa kidato cha nne (form four) kwa watahiniwa wa shule na wa kujitegemea waliofanya mitihani yao Octoba 2011.
Matokeo hayo yanatarajiwa muda wowote baada ya terehe 15 Jan 2012 na yatapatikana kwenye mtandao katika tovuti ya necta http://necta.go.tz/results.html mara tu baada ya kutangazwa.
**Matokeo ya CSEE mwaka juzi yalitangazwa rasmi tarehe 27 Januari 2011.

We all deserve a laugh: Good clean jokes.

Good jokes are good because not only it will bring laughter to the people, but it will also not offend other people. Good jokes or commonly called cleanjokes are those that don't contain a foul and green intent. They share humor that can be presented to all kinds of age, whether you are a child who understands the concept of the joke, or an adult. Mark Twain is of those who write good jokes; he is an American author as well as a humorist. An example of his works would be the Adventures of Huckleberry Fin, and the Adventures of Tom Sawyer.
There are many types of jokes that are made, one example is the Question and Answer (Q&A) jokes. These are some examples of Q&A jokes:
Q: "Where do you find a no legged dog?" A:"Right where you left him."

Q:"What do get from a pampered cow?" A:"Spoiled milk."

Q:"How do crazy people go through the forest?" A:"They take the psycho path."

Q:"What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?" A:"Nacho cheese."

Q:"Why don't blind people like to sky dive?" A:"Because it scares the dog."

There are also one-liner jokes that are short but deliver the humor through the straight to the pointpunch line. Here are some examples for one-liner jokes:
"Boys are like parking spaces, the good ones are take-in!!!"
"The Magician was driving down the road… then he turned into a driveway."
"To a worm, digging in the hard ground is more relaxing than going fishing."
"I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures."
"No more about Elvis, OK? Thankyouvermuch."
"I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart."

Meanwhile, there are also Good Jokes that depict a story and at the end of the story is the punch line. They usually portray people with their stupidity and dullness which makes people laugh at the end.Here are some examples of short story jokes:
Windy Tale?
"Three retirees, each with hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other , 'Windy, isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' The third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'"

Secret Service?
"A Friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the dooras he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside: The pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!' My friend replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.' Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?' He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.'"

Shame
"'You should be ashamed,' the father told his son, Andy, 'When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he used to walk ten miles everyday to get to school.' 'Really?' Andy responded. 'Well, when he was your age, he was president.'

There are many Good Jokes that are very funny to hear yet is clean and available for all to hear. Your funny experiences in your life can also be made into a joke so that you can make people laugh. Justbe happy and make people laugh because as the saying goes by Mark Twain "The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter."

Top Five Things People Like To Write On Someone’s Facebook Wall

1. Miss your FACE girlie. Drinks soon?
Facebook is a place for you to communicate with lingering bugaboos and friends on the periphery. In fact, if I write on your wall, chances are it's because we aren't good friends. I can't remember the last time I wrote on my BFF's walls something like, "hey babe! how r u?" Why? BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW. We just hung out and got frozen yogurt together, hello!

2. Um, did last night even happen? FML. So hungover.
People like to let everyone know on the Internet just how hard they partied last night (it was really hard). Facebook wall posts that discuss the shenanigans of the night before are usually cloaked in vague references and inside jokes. This is meant to pique the interest of lurkers everywhere. "OMG, I wonder what they did last night. Didthey just make a thinly-veiled reference to doing blow?! Jelly…" It can inspire a pretty lengthy comment thread (ex: "I can't move.""Really? I'm still drunk.") and it's basically just a giant bragfest. When I was 19, the FB wall brag was my jam but making mistakes at 24 is far more embarrassing and needs to be covered up immediately.

3. It's our one year, honey. I am so madly in love with you. You light up my life. Every day is a dream with you. See you in 30 minutes. Do you want to do Italian tonight?
Couples gushing about each other on their Facebook walls should be illegal. Like Time Warner Cable or Comcast needs to come to their door, find their router and smash it into a million pieces while screaming, "GO TOYOUR ROOM AND DON'T COME OUT UNTIL YOU'VE REALIZED THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS!" It's the new form of PDA. If we thought smooching in public was bad, declarations of love and devotion on the internet is the absolute worst.

4. Will I see you at Christmas this year? Love to the family!
It's the best when an old person writes on atwenty-something's wall, especially if the twenty-something is trying to cultivate a cool internet image. They'll have cute polaroids of themselves and adorable wall postings by their equally adorable friends when all of a sudden Jean Record (whose default is a picture of her and a horse cropped poorly) comments something so real about their family. The jig is up, my friend! You have a family! You have an aunt who only knows you in the context of holidays and isn't even aware that you're sort of popular on the internet.

5. It's been ages. How ya been, man?
This falls in a similar category as "Miss your face girlie" but it's a little bit more removed.The person writing "miss your face girlie" probably hasn't seen you in one to two months whereas "How ya been, man?" hasn't seen you in YEARS. They're a random from high school who you were maybe close with for like a sec and now you have to respond with, "not much! just working at*insert job here* in *insert place here*. Finishing up school and thinking about grad school. You?" You obviously don't give a shitwhat this person is doing but Facebook has pinned you against a wall and you have no choice. You must fill your brain with more pointless information about people you never cared about. It's like an internet law.